One-Year Mark

At the JAZZ TOILET headquartersHaving documented twenty-six jazz clubs housing more than twice the number of toilets and twenty-six translations of “Where’s the restroom?” in languages from Arabic to Zulu, we celebrate the one-year mark of the launch of JAZZ TOILET.  For the year ahead, I am cutting back on the TUESDAY TOILET TALKS to just the second Tuesday of each month.  Please stay tuned as I will be introducing new issues and staff writer Ken® will be continuing with the FRIDAY FLUSH.

For the occasion, my sister mailed me a 2013 calendar featuring “Toilets of the World.”  I look forward to filling the grids with deadlines and activities, starting with a celebratory lunch today for Ken® and men’s room correspondent KMac.  Now, I leave you with words of wisdom inscribed within my new calendar (underlines are my own).

 

Toilets of the World (Sian James and Morna E. Gregory)

Loo, john, dunny, bathroom, lavatory, outhouse, WC, longdrop, commodities, powder room, crapper, throne, porcelain god, washroom, toilet, can, urinal, facilities, pisser, comfort station, head, water-closet, little boys’ room, shitter, pot, nettie, bog …

So many names refer to the same mundane object. This boundless terminology reflects human beings’ natural fascination with the toilet. Taboo subjects that have provoked deep interest throughout the ages are known by many names—consider death, drugs and copulation, to name a few. Terms for the toilet all describe the smallest room in the house, in the backyard, on the boat, or elsewhere. This list is from English alone. To compile a complete list of toilet terminology from all languages would fill volumes. Regardless of how it is referred to, the universal aspect cannot be denied: every human being on earth uses the toilet.

Why toilets? The subject is not nearly as frivolous as it may appear at first glance. Toilets are bay windows with a view onto a given population. The term toiletology has yet to be coined, although the study of toilets provides a cultural and sociological analysis of the people who occupy different regions throughout the world. The variety of toilets in different countries is astounding. Toilets often (though not always) reflect the development of a given country or region via design, placement, material and mechanics. Aren’t toilets the same everywhere? In a limited geographical area, perhaps. On an international scale, toilets are very, very different.

The use of the toilet transcends all race, religion, age and social class. From the most impoverished to the highest royalty, each and every one of us bows to the basics of bodily function. Whether one does so in a ditch or on a jewel-encrusted throne, the result is the same. The president, the cashier, the supermodel, the writer, the lawyer and the farmer all find themselves subject to this most basic of acts. It is physical gratification from the earliest age on up. The act is philosophical—emptying the body empties the mind as well. For how many busy and stressed people is this moment one of the few instants of solitary relief, privacy and contemplation in an otherwise hectic day? Many people confess to having great thoughts, ideas and insights while seated on the toilet.

Through the pages that follow, take a fascinating and explicit voyage through societies around the globe. A deeper cultural understanding of the world is within reach via the most raw and honest tattle-tale of human civilization: the toilet.


The Underground

A few Wednesdays ago, I walked down to The Underground Lounge in below 20 degrees Fahrenheit weather, testing the effectiveness of my Uniqlo Heattech top.  I stepped through the door more South of the two, marked “The Underground Live,” to enter directly into the performance area.

Excited to finally hear my friend’s brass quartet, I didn’t even mind the cold draft coming in as the door opened and closed with more people.  I thawed quickly enough with body heat from the many enthusiastic audience members but it must have been challenging for the brass musicians to play in the cold.

To the bathroomsI couldn’t quite put my finger on it but there was something whimsical about The Westerlies.  Was it Riley Mulherkar (trumpet) and Andy Clausen’s (trombone) matching chambray button-downs, red pants and brown dress shoes?  Was it Willem de Koch’s (trombone) jaunty bass lines?  Was it Zubin Hensler’s (trumpet) effusive enthusiasm for the ensemble that I had heard much of?  Maybe it was Andy’s rosy cheeks?

Perhaps it was the visual configuration reminiscent of a music box, only with a row of four Seattle boys similar in height, instead of a twirling ballerina. The inadequate lighting cast shadows over their faces if they stepped back and the slide of the trombone hit the frame of the red curtains as I feared, but the small corner stage was not too big, not too small and just right for The Westerlies.

Why the t.p. dispenser is so far from the toilet, I know not.The Underground women's toilet

Go through the door dividing the live music area and the lounge to get to the men’s and women’s bathrooms.  The music from the lounge interferes with the performance when the door opens so try to avoid going in the middle of songs.  I waited my turn to use the women’s restroom and found that the corners were occupied with a small sink, the toilet and cleaning supplies under a bench.

The Underground women'sI stuck around a bit for the following group on the double bill because our men’s room correspondent substitute, Dave, happened to be playing bass with Adam Kromelow.  The pianist’s original piece about his pot brownie experience augmented the high school/college basement party-like vibe of the place, with plastic cups full of beer around and the sense that the place needed folding chairs.

 

Miks from Latvia tells us how to say “Where’s the restroom?” in Latvian —

Kur ir tualete?


Friday Flush, Issue 4

Folks, today I will cover the grooviest man alive at the intersection of jazz and toilets, John Hollenbeck.  The composer/drummer has contributed solid coverage of the best toilets to the jazz community at large in his 2010 review.  Below is just one of his descriptions of the top eight toilets (and urinals) from around the globe.  Don’t miss out on the full article from Ethan Iverson’s blog!

Karlsruhe Jazz Club in Germany (image courtesy of dothemath.typepad.com)

 

 

Keramag – Karlsruhe Jazz Club, Germany: Can’t go wrong with a nice green background! Keramag’s hipness creates a comfortable atmosphere where one can easily get in a “zone”.

 

 

A little birdie told me that Hollenbeck even had a Claudia Quintet album in the works with tracks named after toilets.  Righteous.  Unfortunately, the toilet companies shut that project down.

Mr. Hollenbeck, sir, keep up the good fight.

 

[EDIT] Dude, I saw that the Claudia Quintet released an album with some of the tracks named after toilet models after all.  Pick up a copy of Royal Toast to get hip to “Crane Merit,” “American Standard” and more.

 

Staff writer/model Ken® has appeared in the short, Hawaiian Vacation (2011), and numerous other features, making his first appearance in the 60′s.  He has been named (the boyfriend of) one of the most influential cultural icons of the century and is a true renaissance man, with skills ranging from leading safaris in the wild to shaving without gel in the concrete jungle.  Ken® currently resides in Manhattan but vacations frequently at his dream house in Malibu.